Just like almost every public service in Berlin the pediatrician situation is absolute squalor. It’s impossible to find one who picks up the phone or takes on new patients1.
We’ve had some bad incidents in the past with sketchy doctors because of this and now I’m trying to figure out why this is the way it is.
- Call my lead for a pediatrician
“We’re very sorry but we can’t take any new patients.”
- Call the Kassenärztliche Verein
“It’s not us who do this.”
I am told to call the Dachverband der Krankenkassen
- Call the Spitzenverband
“We do not determine how many pediatricians can settle in a given area.”
The telephone person says they are a temp and do not have any channel up to their leadership. I’m told to call my own Krankenkasse.
- Call Techniker Kankenkasse
‘Wir sind nicht dafür zuständig.’
The person says they have the same problem on a personal level in Hamburg but can’t really do anything for me professionally. I am told to call the Kassenärztliche Verein
- Call KV (again)
Reception says that I can get a peds appointment sometime in the future from a different number of theirs (not what I want). I called this number before and they will not give me a pediatrician and that is if they bother to pick up the telephone.
Every instance says “Dafür sind wir nicht zuständig.” and sends me on until I’ve closed the loop.
It’s not the first time that this happens. I’ve previously spent half an hour being sent in a loop between Polizei and Ordnungsamt. This is the way that Germany functions: nobody is responsible for anything and everybody in between can get fucked.
Corollary: if it is impossible to figure out why something is the way it is, it is also impossible to fix it.
- Don’t bother tipping me a pediatrician unless you’re sure they take new patients. ↩